Presentation in Krakow

Addiction Reloaded

Gosh it is really hard to get over one's obsessions :-(

Addiction

I admit! I am addicted!

You might want to know what to and some of you might have some ideas. Probably they are all correct. I am addicted to a lot of things, nothing dangerous but things like chocolate, coffee or Nivea Creme (and no, I do not eat it!).

But I always thought I am not prone to addiction until I very recently had to face the elephant in the room.

What made me realize was ... here it comes ... a TV-Series. YES! I am such a loser!

Don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying TV to be honest. I will never be a person without a TV-Set at home. There is some good stuff on it and at least for me it works as relaxation. I also enjoy going to the movies, but TV is just so much less expensive :-)

Now while relaxation is not a problem, it becomes a serious issue once it governs your life. My TV-Series doesn't govern my life, but I have gone so far as to go to various forums online to see comments, reviews, spoilers, sneak peeks and so on. And believe me, there are people that clearly do not have a life beyond this series. It is scary.

People are writing pages long reviews and fan-fiction and while lots of it is really highly entertaining I am thinking of the waste of time. There are some people out there with enormous talent in writing, analyzing, graphic design and they basically live 24/7 for a TV-Series. If they would use their talent for the betterment of the world, they could actually greatly contribute to change.

I can see stories on economic awareness, religious freedom, principles that govern our life and so on. But instead I really only see fan-fiction that doesn't serve a long lasting purpose. If it takes me half an hour to read an extraordinary review, how long must it take that person to write it? I am a writer myself and I know how long it takes me to write a good 5 pages article. It freaks me out to imagine a person just spending half that time on a review for a TV-series.

 

Seeing the what-I-call waste of time right there in front of me, happening to so many people, literally thousands, it wasn't difficult to not get sucked into this world myself. High on my horse I was thinking: you people, use your time more wisely! And off I went to watch another episode.

While I still think that there is a tremendous difference between the world of "24/7" and "Just watching" I did soon realize that I was not using my time very wisely either.

And I still am not. I am horrible with time-management. You might want to say I am addicted to procrastination, too. Be it as it is, I am wiser now. Yes. Really! Not a lot, but a little.

Watching a TV-Series several hours a day gave me a much needed time-off, but every time off has its end. Otherwise it’s called laziness. It also allowed me to get to know a completely different life from my own and see where a lot of people of potential are hiding.

Still haven’t figured though how to reach out to them and how to help them shed the lethargy.

Chastity

So, I have this friend, a very good friend. Let's call her B.

When I became a Bahá'í she was one of my closest confidants; she knew my troubles and thoughts and favourite Bahá'í books and quotes. There are not many people out there you will ever feel so close to in your lifetime. She helped me understand the Faith a great deal and she helped me became a better person, too.

But life has it that even the closest friends move away from each other. Sometimes this is just what life is and sometimes there are more obvious reasons - misunderstandings, certain decisions we take and so on. Let's just say with B. and me there were more obvious reasons. We moved away from each other, each of us having good reasons to think the reason/fault was more in the other than ourself. We didn't speak for a long time, I dare to say years. Not on purpose. We did not avoid each other or hate each other. We just didn't understand each other anymore and couldn't possibly fathom what we could still have in common.

But life also has it that our paths cross again and again and after seeking clarification and trying hard to find the lost friend within each other, we were more at ease again. We met again, laughed and enjoyed each others company. 

The last time we met we spoke about my lack of a lovelife. Yes, that is what we call it. With all due respect to the chastity involved in any relationship I would want to enter. Now, that is what I thought anyways. We were talking gentlemen suitors and possible interests of my own. It was all the pretty girls talk you would expect from that meeting. Until at some point B. frankly spoke her mind by saying that I might be closing possible doors in front of me and that my lack of a lovelife might be due to me being too stuck on chastity. 

OUTSH!

Now, believe it or not I am not prude. Not sure if this is something to be proud of, but I am not. Just a fact. And funny enough B. knows that very well. She referred to the practical aspect of the writings. And then and there I was told that I should allow a man to kiss me and to touch me, to let it happen when it feels right. To just go with the flow and enjoy life. 

Believe you me, folks, I'd love to. 

But believe you me too, that I was literally speechless. I don't think I was able to react in any other ways than 'Aha', 'Hm', 'oh, aha...' And that is not me, I usually have a lot to say (not to everybody's liking).

But there I was with one of my oldest and closest friends, learning how to break the law of God. It happened several months ago and only now I come to grips with the absurdity of this situation. When I had just found the Faith chastity was certainly not the easiest law to obey to and it was B. who helped me understand the wisdom and the guidance in the Writings. It was her that made me develop a very clear stance on the chastity issue, based on the Writings, an attitude she now called prude. 

It is only now that I can voice my thoughts beyond the stumbling of shock. And you know what, I don't mind closing doors in front of me, I don't mind scaring away possibly interested men and I don't mind a lack of a lovelife if that means that I am faithful to the Covenant. I am not too stuck on chastity, I have only understood how important it is for a successful marriage and I have understood that a man who is really interested in me will not be scared away by it, because there is plenty of joy coming up when the vows have been said.

I can wait till then, and if - what B. foresees - this will never happen, then be it so. There is more to life than this world. Don't you think this is easy to say, but I have to weigh my loves consciously and I choose eternal life over material life.

Now back to B. This might have been a final breach to our friendship. Or not. Time will show as our paths will cross and at the bottom of my heart I certainly love her deeply. But do I really want to surround myself with people who do not contribute to me leading a life in accordance with the Writings? I understand certainly that all she wanted was to give me good advise with no bad intentions. After all she loves me, too. I know that. Maybe it is not a breach. Maybe it is just another few years of recovery from the shock.